A Rod By Any Other Name is Just A Pole

Whenever my wife drags me into a Wal-Mart, K-Mart or one of those other stores I always head straight for the sporting goods department to check out the fishing gear. I seldom buy anything there but I love to play with the rods. I hold them, feeling their weight in my hands, checking them for balance, making sure the spines are true while I give them a gentle tug. Occasionally I'll give the rod a few quick twitches, setting the hook on that lunker bass I imagine about. The fish is a big one and soon a battle starts to brew, the steady sound of swiiiish swiiiiiish echoing throughout the store as I whip the pole into a frenzy. Oddly enough this usually happens when some poor old lady is walking by minding her own business. Just about the time she sees my eyes afire with vengeance her blue hair turns white. She runs down the aisles screaming "Harold Harold....save me!" I can only assume Harold is her husband, but he's probably down at the golf department checking out the clubs.

Where was I, oh yeah, I like to admire the craftsmanship in a fishin' rod, unfortunately anything you find at these stores will likely be completely void of craftsmanship. Quality you will only find in the finest of rods. A true rod builder will take painstaking care in the wrappings and locations of guide placement which must be exactly right. Without the proper guide placement along the spine, quality blanks and superior hardware many fish can be lost. The craftsman will spend countless hours building the perfect rod for you. The length of the rod and the balance will be custom fit just for your hands and fishing style. Granted this piece of equipment will set you back several hundred or even thousands of dollars but it is an investment. You will be the envy of all anglers as you fish alongside them be it in a boat or from shore. Sure, that kid a hundred feet downstream is catching two fish to your one, but doesn't he look foolish with that blue light special. He eyes you when some inconsiderate fool lands a large rock in the water just ten feet in front of him and you turn and look over your shoulder as well, hoping to see the guilty culprit, but he was fast and is now long out of sight.

There are many types of rods for many types of fishing. There are trout rods, bass rods, tuna rods, rock cod rods and fly rods. This is of course just a very small sample of a list that carries well over a hundred types of rods. When most people go fishin' they simply take a pole, a can of worms, a few hooks and they're out the door. I know that I should fish that way myself but then I wouldn't have a way of bugging my wife. I often try to explain to my wife why I have so many rods. I tried to tell her that my rods are much like her shoes, she has a pair for every outfit, I have a rod for every fish. She wasn't buying it and I doubt your wife will either. I'm still waiting for the lump on my noggin to go down from that three inch heel. I explained to her that each rod serves a purpose. For instance, I cannot take a trout rod on a tuna trip. A trout rod weighs only a four to eight pounds or so. Poundage does not refer to what the actual rod weighs, it refers to the line weight that the rod is capable of handling, or recommended line weight. The line weight does not mean that the line actually weighs, lets say, eight pounds, it simply means that eight pound line is capable of handling a stress or pull of eight pounds before breaking. Imagine trying to land a 100 pound tuna on a eight pound trout rod. Why, the first time a tuna hit the bait the rod would merely bend and snap in two. If by some miracle the rod didn't break the tuna would simply swim out to sea taking all of the line with it, not even realizing it was hooked. You certainly would feel foolish then.

Now, when I go tuna fishing I take a real man's rod. A tuna rod typically weighs between 60 to 100 pounds or more. The diameter of a tuna rod could easily equal the diameter of your finger. This is a stout strong rod capable of handling the biggest of fish. I could see myself now if my wife had her way and I was forced to have only one rod. I would be at the stream casting a 16 ounce blue and white Tadys into the ripples and I would catch a nice Brookie. It would not be because I had hooked it, it would be because I knocked the poor fella' out with that damn jig. If by some grace of God the fish actually did strike the jig I would never know it. Look at it like this, when you're sweeping the floor and a fly lands on the tip of your broom, do you feel it? So you see, a tuna rod is no good for trout fishing.

Now then, when I wish to go Bass fishin' I take what I call my Bass rods. These rods are not much more than over sized trout rods. Yes, they are slightly heavier and longer but they are called Bass rods for just one reason; and that is so the retailer can jack up the price 500 percent because he knows the bass pros will gladly pay it. You won't find a true Bass rod at Wal-Marts. Now then, many of you think you can and probably do use your trout rods for bass fishin'. I suppose this is okay however proper protocol being what it is dictates that if you want to fish for bass with a trout rod then you must show proof of marriage in the form of a marriage license. For the single guys out there you won't understand until you yourself are entangled in the web. Once an angler shows proof of marriage to his fishin' buddies then all forms of jest and laughter must cease within three minutes, which shall be followed by one minute of silence. When you do see a married man using a real bass rod then you know he rules the roost and is the King of his own castle.

One thing that you can never ever do is take a bass rod out for rock cod fishin'. To catch a rock cod you must fish deep in the ocean, often to several hundred feet. The rod must be capable of handling at least eighty pounds of fish, not line weight. A rock cod rod could be as stout and thick as my forearm; okay, I got skinny arms. Take your broom handle, swish away that fly and try with all your strength to bend it. That is what it's like to bend a rock cod rod. A rock cod rod should be capable of pulling hundreds of pounds, well almost hundreds, from the ocean floor. The line on a true cod rod is often made of strong Dacron strands capable of enormous strain. If you were to try to break this line with your bare hands you would only succeed in cutting off a few fingers. When this happens your marriage license ain't going to help and it will be open season for your fishin' buddies. Don't worry though, usually after a few minutes of jest they will get around to stopping the bleeding and patch you up, although your new nickname will be probably be Stubs. It was rumored to me not long ago that when they thought about bringing up the Titanic they were simply going to take a party boat of cod anglers to the site and tell them it was full of huge monster lings and red snappers. Sooner or later one of the anglers would be bound to get snagged on the vessel and then up she comes. A rock cod rod is that stout.

There are a group of fishermen, I'm sorry, Anglers, that fish with what is called a Fly Rod. A fly rod is definitely not a real mans rod. If dropped on the ground from a distance greater than three feet, five on carpet, the rod will surely shatter into several pieces. It is that fragile. The purpose of a fly rod is to present to the trout a small hand tied replica of a bug. That's right, I said bug. These fanatics, uh, fishermen, spend hundreds of hours looking at pictures of bugs. They memorize the shapes and colors of the bug. They count the hairs and legs on the bug. Then they weave brightly colored strings and fancy lace to small hooks to make replicas of these bugs. They use the fly rod to cast these fake bugs to the fish. The fish in turn see these bugs and they laugh. Sometimes they laugh so hard that they accidentally suck the replica right into their mouth as they inhale for a breath. Now then, when I want to use a bug I just turn over a rock. I find bugs so big and ugly that they actually scare my fish away. Whenever this happens I bring the bug back in from the water and I smash it with the rock I found it under. Here is a quick word of advise that you must pay attention to. If you are on a stream fishing for trout and there is an "Angler" dressed in his Orvis finest downstream using a fly rod, it is not advisable that you jump, shout, laugh and point when you land the whopper he was after. Remember, a fly rod is typically nine feet or more in length, thus giving him the reach advantage.

To sum it all up I'm sure your wondering what kind of rod makes the best all around rod. That's an easy one. Get out that photo of your Grandpappy displaying that fine mess of fish he caught on some off road stream. See that cane pole and can of worms leaning against the Model A? The only thing it cost him was a piece of string and the labor to dig up the worms. He sure looks proud doesn't he and his biggest concern was five feet of string or six.

Until next week, "show me a man that says he fishes only for the pleasure of being outdoors, and I will show you a man that does not catch fish."

Ken Marlow, pappystackleshack@yahoo.com

Ken Marlow has lived in the Las Vegas Valley since 1973. He began fishing at Willow Beach for trophy trout soon after moving there and has been hooked ever since. Ken currently fishes twice a week and travels across the Dam to Willow Beach about four times a week to interview anglers and to see what the conditions are like.

Ken writes the weekly fishing column "Let's Go Fishin'", which appears in the Boulder City News, Henderson Home News and, from what he hears, two or three other HBC Publications.